Decaffeinating Eight Common Caffeine Myths: Part I
If all those caffeine stories have you worried about the fate of your favorite drinks, fear not; most of it's disinformation. Here are the honest-to goodness facts about eight common caffeine myths, in two easy pieces.
Assuming all those caffeine myths the media's been bantering about lately are true, some of us are in real trouble. How else are we ever going to wake up without that stiff jolt of morning coffee? Seriously -- sometimes orange juice just doesn't cut it, ya know?
Well, if you're a fellow caf-fiend, you'll be happy to know that most of those stories are just tall tales -- in some cases, slanderous lies spread by contrarians who are unaccountably jealous of this divine substance. Join us, friends, as we present the facts regarding eight myths surrounding our favorite legal stimulant.
Myth 1: Too much caffeine will ruin your ability to sleep
Not necessarily. While this is indeed true for some drinkers, it's naught but a caffeine myth for a substantial percentage of others. Recent studies have demonstrated that caffeine's effect on sleep is variable, depending on the person (and possibly on how it's delivered).
The idea is that not only does coffee make you hyper, it also interferes with your ability to fall into a deep REM sleep. Lack of REM sleep means you're unable to truly rest. But the fact is, some test subjects report no changes in their sleep patterns, no matter how much caffeine they inhale.
Myth 2: Lots of black coffee can sober you up if you're drunk
However venerable this particular caffeine myth may be, it's just a myth. Coffee and caffeine do nothing to neutralize alcohol in your bloodstream; only time can do that. Sadly, it's no more effective at clearing up the symptoms of alcohol poisoning, or what we fondly refer to as a "hangover."
Myth 3: Too much caffeine during pregnancy causes birth defects
Not according to a recent study of 15,000 pregnant women. No link between caffeine ingestion and birth defects of any kind has ever been found -- not even among particularly heavy coffee drinkers. Now, among lab rats, it's a different story. But as it turns out, humans aren't rats. (Mostly.)
Similar caffeine myths suggest that a) caffeine affects fertility; and b) nursing mothers shouldn't have caffeinated drinks, or the caffeine will be passed on to baby. Actually, a) nope; and b) a nursing mom can have up to three cups of coffee before passing significant amounts of caffeine on to the kiddo.
Myth 4: Decaffeinated coffee and tea really are caffeine-free
Well, they're supposed to be. But think of it kind of like birth control. The Pill is effective 97% of the time, but it wouldn't make sense to call it "mostly birth control," even though 3% of users are likely to get the occasional surprise.
Similarly, decaffeination removes about 97% of the caffeine from most products marketed as decaffeinated, so maybe 2-5 mg of caffeine is left behind per cup. So strictly this is a caffeine myth, though in most practical situations it's not going to make a difference.
Until Part II... Now I think I'll go grab a latte.
